


Dance of Power... but it's on Crack

by The Wildehopps Protection Agency (WHPA)



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Because we just destroy them gloriously, Crack, F/M, I love "because I said so syndrome (BISSS)", This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, This story makes crackheads look sober, You've been warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:40:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29271135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WHPA/pseuds/The%20Wildehopps%20Protection%20Agency
Summary: Alfheim is gone. Not destroyed,gone. Completely, utterly,annihilatedby a type of bomb that makes the Tzar Bomb look like a mere firecracker in comparison. Now, Hiccup, Astrid, and Ilwerian must find, and eliminate, the culprits while they, and Cuithanna, make futile attempts to put the scraps of their life, the ones they can find, at least, back together...
Relationships: Astrid Hofferson & Original Character(s), Astrid Hofferson & Stormfly, Astrid Hofferson & Toothless, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III & Original Character(s), Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III & Stormfly, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III & Toothless, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Astrid Hofferson, Original Character(s) & Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s)/Original Male Character(s), Stormfly & Toothless (How to Train Your Dragon)
Comments: 28





	1. In the End

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TriumphantFury](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TriumphantFury/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Weight of Betrayal (Dance of Power Trilogy: Book 2)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23938333) by [TriumphantFury](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TriumphantFury/pseuds/TriumphantFury). 



> This is what happens when autistic genes and sociopath genes decide to meet. No, this story is not meant to be taken seriously at all. It is meant to be laughed at, ridiculed, and just generally mocked. After all, its plot is going to have all of the quality of those that are the likes of Sharknado… or worse. But not better lol. Also, this story start on Chapter 36 of TriumphantFury's _The Weight of Betrayal_. I believe it is called "Yuletide Tididings," if I remember correctly.

When they arrived through the gateway, it was to find a completely different Alfheim than they had left three days ago. There was now a soft blanket of white covering everything as fat, fluffy flakes drifted down from a clear night sky. Looking like floating wads of brushed wool. Obviously created with magic, since the air was still remarkably warm and there wasn’t a cloud in sight. As they soared over the forest, Astrid saw glowing sparks of multicoloured light glistening in many of the snow covered cedar trees. When she looked closer, she realized that they were actually tiny fairies flitting around through the frosted boughs.

It was incredibly beautiful, and Astrid found that for the first time ever, she couldn’t wait to get to the party. First though, she needed to give the boys their gifts. As Hiccup waved away the wards over the treehouse, Astrid felt the first flutter of predictable ‘gift-giving’ nerves. What if the boys didn’t like the pendants? After all, she was as good as tattooing her name on each of them by marking them with her magic. Even worse, what if they didn’t work? Astrid hadn’t actually tested the pendants after making them. What if she had done something wrong?

When the dragons set down on the balcony outside the two bedrooms, Astrid grabbed her bow and quiver before jumping down. Her brand new Order cloak draped over her shoulder. She didn’t even notice the look that Hiccup and Ilweran shared before Ilweran headed off in the direction of his bedroom. Too lost in her own thoughts as she walked over to the clothes chest and pressed the latch for the concealed armoury. Barely paying attention to Hiccup removing his cloak and swords as she placed all of her borrowed blades carefully back in their allocated spots.

After removing all her weapons, Astrid went back out to the bedroom to change out of her armour. Before she could do more than take her boots off though, Hiccup’s voice finally broke through her stupor. “Mi’lady,” he said softly from behind her, and Astrid turned around to gaze back at him interestedly. “I happen to have one more Yule gift for you, but this one was a little too personal to give you before we left. I thought you would prefer waiting until we were alone to open it.”

Without pausing for her to respond, he passed her a much smaller silk bundle. He must have grabbed it from somewhere while she was too distracted to notice. “Be careful with that one. It is a little heavy,” he stated simply at her surprised expression. Glancing down at the emerald silk, Astrid felt her chest tighten with emotion. Understanding the hidden meaning of his words immediately, since the gift itself weighed very little.

Carefully peeling the silk back, Astrid found an array of daggers and throwing knives inside. There were five in total, and they were easily the most beautiful that she had ever seen. Designed in almost the same fashion as the sleek stiletto blades that Hiccup and Ilweran always carried, but these blades were ever so slightly wider and heavier. Meaning that they would still pierce through the slots in armour while also packing the same amount of punch when thrown by a smaller person.

They were clearly made of the same bright silver elven steel that would repel blood and time too. The only difference was that these knives were completely covered with intricate designs, rather than just scattered lines of blessing. Both sides of them looking like etched tapestries. Each one containing impossibly small and incredibly detailed images that had to have been made with magic. Picking up the top ones, which were a matching pair of mid-length daggers, she realized that they were engraved with scenes from her childhood. Precious moments spent with Hiccup in a time before life became complicated and she had begun to shun him too because everyone else was.

It was if the memories had somehow been transferred from her mind and right onto the steel. The two of them were perfectly captured in utterly lifelike detail. So much so that Astrid almost swore she could hear the childish laughter as they played together. Him with his untidy mop of auburn hair and her with her blonde pigtails. Arms around each other’s shoulders as they played skipping games in the square.

There was an image of Gothi sneaking the two of them honeyed berries when the other children weren’t looking. Another of the two of them enjoying a moment together in a grassy clearing just beyond the village. Laying close enough that their shoulders were touching as Gothi tried to teach them to read the future in the clouds. Astrid’s face turned upwards in search of animal shapes. Hiccup’s face turned towards her instead.

Then they were sitting close together by the hearth in the chief’s house with the dragon manual open on their laps. Young Astrid reading intently as young Hiccup gazed at her in enraptured wonder. They were moments that she had thought were lost forever. Moments that she was sure he had forgotten. That she had almost forgotten.

Sinking down on the edge of the bed now, she set the daggers carefully aside. Beginning to examine the smaller throwing blades instead. All three of them seeming to be laid out in order of timeline. At least, judging by the ages of the characters at a glance that is.

The first one started with an image of her putting out fires during one of many dragon raids. Looking like a goddess framed by the dancing flames behind her. A familiar mop of auburn watching her wistfully from the forge window. From there, the scenes switched seamlessly to ones from dragon training. Astrid looking like a fierce Valkyrie with her axe held at the ready as a small and scrawny Hiccup clutched a too-big shield. The young boy staring at her with obvious admiration on his face.

Then it skipped forward to that first flight on Toothless. Somehow cutting out all of those painful years between childhood and first love that Astrid still regretted with all her heart. Wiping them away like waves over beach sand. The two of them soaring through the night sky together as if they had never parted ways. Astrid’s arms wrapped around a teenage Hiccup’s waist and her chin on his shoulder as a small smile graced his lips. As if all of his dreams were finally coming true.

The next one held scenes that were entirely new to her. Hiccup as a young man. Sitting at a workbench in front of a window. Beyond the opening was a sprawling cityscape that reminded her of his drawings of Rome. His handsome face was screwed up in concentration and there was an athame in his left hand.

On the desk in front of this grown-up Hiccup was a beautiful pendant and an assortment of parchment scrolls decorated with both demonic and ancient elvish script. An achingly familiar axe propped against the table leg beside him. On the backside of the blade was a vicious and tangled war scene bathed in blood, the carnage feeling real enough to make bile rise in her throat. A battle weary Hiccup was sitting amidst a camp of wounded. Wearing the same armour he had been sporting when he delivered her axe.

His beautiful eyes looked ancient beyond their years now, and Astrid could see a letter topped with her name balanced on his lap. A charcoal pencil clutched in his left hand and a sketch of some other place lay off to the side. The shape of Sharpshot perching beside it; waiting patiently for Hiccup to finish the letter. Astrid suddenly wondered if the sketch was perhaps one that had hung above her bed in Midgard. Had he drawn it for her during a break between skirmishes then? Her heart aching at the thought of what he must have been going through.

The final blade had an older Hiccup and Astrid sitting together on Toothless’ saddle, Hiccup still wearing the leather armour from Rome as Astrid held herself against him. Her chin resting on his shoulder again, and that same soft smile of five years before gracing his now handsome and grown-up face. On the backside though, was the most perfect image of all. A carefully intimate silhouette of two lovers beside a pond. The whole scene was framed by moonlight, and it honestly looked just as beautiful as her memory of it.

Once again, the woman was gazing off in another direction. This time it was towards the moon’s reflection on the still surface of the water as the man’s gaze was locked on her. As if she was the only thing that mattered in the whole world. There were even words engraved in Norse runes below this final image, the meticulous hand still intimately familiar to her. No matter how much time had passed since she had received every single one of those letters. ‘You have always been my goddess, and I have always been your fool.’

Astrid wasn’t sure exactly when the tears had broken free and begun to run down her face. All she knew was that the beautiful green silk spread over her lap was stained with dark water spots. Speechless and trying to remember how to breathe, Astrid simply sat there and let the tears flow. Not even bothering to try and stop them as she allowed her gaze to wander over the indescribably lovely blades. The images feeling like the telling of an epic love story that she had not even known she was a part of at the time.

Gazing up at him through the tears, she couldn’t even find words to express her feelings. “Now you know,” Hiccup said softly as he met her eyes. “Much like myself, they will always return to you as well. No matter how far you try to throw them,” he added with a chuckle. Astrid was just about to clamber up and wrap her arms around him when he leant over and counted the blades she held. Then he suddenly smacked a palm to his forehead. “How stupid of me, I forgot one. What good are five knives,” he muttered distractedly.

He started searching his pockets now as if he had lost something and Astrid simply gaped at him in confusion. “Now where is that other one. I know I left it somewhere around here... Aha, here it is,” he said suddenly. Waving his hand and making another blade appear in a flash of green before holding it out to her.

Taking this final blade from Hiccup and looking at it, Astrid felt her heart stutter almost painfully. On one side were scenes from after Hiccup and Ilweran’s arrival in the village. The two of them lounging shirtless by the pond with Eret as Hiccup held Astrid on his lap. His lips pressed tenderly against her neck, Ilweran picking up Astrid and spinning her around on the day she had bonded with Stormfly. A glimmer of happy excitement shining in his eyes.

Flipping it over now, Astrid’s tears suddenly started falling faster and she choked on a sob as one of her hands flew up to clutch at her mouth. This scene was instantly recognizable, and yet not. This one also had colour. In it, a woman stood in the centre of a crowd. Her long blonde hair half braided back, and a look wonder lighting up her face. All around her were the forms of elves bowed respectfully. Three instantly recognizable dragons even hovering in the background, but that was not the part that tugged at Astrid’s heartstrings. Kneeling reverently at the woman’s feet was not just one, but two gorgeous men that she would know anywhere.

One of these painfully beautiful half-elven creatures had Hiccup’s tousled mop of hair and glinting green eyes. The other had Ilweran’s silky shoulder length locks and bright amber eyes. The strikingly lovely woman in between them holding their hands in each of hers as she gazed up at the moon above with softly sparkling blue eyes. A waning purple crescent was shining upon her brow, as both of the men gazed up at her in enraptured wonder. Beneath the indescribably perfect image was a line of flowing elvish script. ‘Our love is our strength.’

Sobbing uncontrollably and blinded by her tears, Astrid set the blades aside as she awkwardly clambered to her feet. Stumbling towards Hiccup through a haze of happy hysterics. Before she could make it more than a couple steps, a pair of solid arms wrapped around her. Pulling her close against a warm body as the comforting scent of Hiccup washed over her, and she buried her face into his chest and cried. This beautiful and perfect and wonderful man that was all hers.

Gasping and wheezing for breath, Astrid tried desperately to get ahold of herself. All the while knowing that she must sound like a distressed rabbit. She could feel Hiccup’s soft chuckle rumbling through his chest at that, but she just couldn’t seem to stop. She may actually have died from heart failure and just not know it yet. Was it possible to die from being loved too much?!

Without her really knowing how it had happened, they had managed to make it over to the edge of the bed. Hiccup holding Astrid like a princess on his lap as she clung to him for dear life. Her face now nestled into the crook of his neck. His cheek resting on her hair as she blubbered all over his armour. 

“I am seriously starting to think that she does not like them bro,” Ilweran suddenly intoned from the doorway. “It is a bit of a shame really. You worked so hard on those knives, but if they make her this sad...” He trailed off with an exaggerated sigh that had her finally giving a small and garbled laugh in between wracking sobs.

“I know what you mean. I have not seen her cry this hard in a long time,” Hiccup teased lightly. Tightening his grip around her ever so carefully, as if afraid she might just break like spun glass. “You know Astrid, if you do not like them, just say it. I can always melt them down and make new ones. Less fancy and more... Serviceable.”

“Try to take them from me Haddock and I will tear you limb from limb,” Astrid choked out. Still clutching at the back of Hiccup’s tunic like she was afraid he might disappear if she let him go.

“Hey, there she is,” Ilweran laughed lightly as he came over to sit on the bed near them. “That is more like the Astrid we know and love.”

“Thank goodness,” Hiccup agreed. “Her lack of violence was really starting to worry me.” Giggling now, Astrid finally sat back on Hiccup’s lap and met their eyes. Finding both pairs shining with bright humour. “Welcome back beautiful,” Hiccup chuckled as he placed a tender kiss on the end of her nose.

Wiping the tears from her face now, she mumbled, “beautiful? There is no way that you can possibly call me beautiful right now. Gods, I probably look like such a mess,” she half-laughed, half-moaned as she continued to wipe at her eyes and sniffle. Knowing that her nose was probably red as a summer strawberry.

“You are always beautiful,” Ilweran replied easily. Offering her a half shrug when she turned to look at him. “You still have one more present to open though before we go to the party.” Astrid felt one of her brows lift as she gaped at him in confusion. She had armour, daggers, a bow with full quiver, and throwing knives. What more could she possibly need?!

Ilweran simply chuckled and held out another gift. This one much smaller than the bow had been. “You guys spoil me way too much,” she teased with a laugh. “Seriously.” Leaning over, she pressed a soft kiss to his cheek before taking the package and peeling the silk off excitedly.

Inside was an immaculately carved wooden box with twisting designs of vines on it. Their gilt golden leaves glistening a near silver in the glow from the sister moons. It was stunning, and quite obviously ridiculously expensive, and Astrid looked up at him in surprise now. “Thank you,” she told him honestly. Running careful hands over the designs on the lid in wonder.

He simply rolled his eyes at her. “Do you seriously think that I would get you a box for Yule, princess,” he drawled. “What kind of man do you take me for? The real present is inside.”

“Oh,” Astrid squeaked in surprise. This ornate box must have already cost a fortune. More than her family could ever hope to afford after an entire year’s worth of hard labour. The bow he had made her would likely cost more than their house. Or multiple houses even.

Lifting the lid slowly, she peered inside. Then she nearly dropped it as tears sprang to her eyes again, and she clutched a hand to her mouth. Glancing up at Ilweran through hazy eyes about to overflow, she stammered out, “you’re giving me your grandfather’s axes? Why?!”

“Well, you seemed to like them. They are much too fancy for someone like me anyways,” Ilweran answered with a shrug and a smirk. “Besides, the realms should know that you are still under my protection. Even after your relationship with Hiccup is revealed,” he added nonchalantly. As if it was no big deal that he had just gifted her five thousand year old royal family heirlooms likely worth more than all the gold on Berk. “Like your new knives, they have been enchanted to always return to you as well. That way you can never forget about me,” he teased.

“Well played bro,” Hiccup chuckled quietly, and Ilweran grinned and winked at him. Gazing back down at the incredible throwing axes nestled in a bed of golden silk, Astrid felt like her heart might burst. How could one woman possibly deserve to be loved this much? By not one, but two incredible men. Choking on her tears, she brought a hand up to trace her fingers tenderly over the intricate lines and glistening jewels that decorated the axes. Vividly remembering how she had nearly swooned over them when she had first spotted them in Ilweran’s weapons chest.

“For the love of... Will you two ever stop being so godsdamn perfect,” Astrid wailed as she bit back a new wave of sobs. Placing the ornate box down carefully so that she could wrap her arms around Ilweran’s shoulders in an awkward sideways hug. Pressing a lingering kiss to his cheek before leaning back against Hiccup’s chest again. Tilting her head up and blinking frantically as if she thought she could somehow drain the stupid salty signs of weakness back into her leaking eyes.

“I thought Yule was going to be a carefree party to celebrate my Rider status, but no! Instead you two just had to turn me into a blubbering mess of girly emotions by giving me two more absolutely perfect gifts,” she moaned. Giving up with a sigh and just letting the tears stream down her cheeks again. It wasn’t as if it mattered anyways. She already likely looked like she was in mourning for something. All red rimmed eyes and unattractive sniffles.

“Two? I count three. Do not forget that we actually snuggled shirtless with each other this afternoon. That is something neither of us would have ever done if not for you,” Ilweran grumbled at her. Making Astrid choke out a laugh now instead as the wonderful memory swam vividly back into view in her mind. “And I did not even hate it, which makes it worse,” he added with a shudder.

“For what it’s worth, I loved it,” Astrid smirked. Boop-ing Ilweran on the nose cheekily and he scowled at her. “On that note though, I have something for you both,” she quipped. Grinning at the identical looks of confusion on her boys’ faces as she sprung up from Hiccup’s lap. “Stay right there,” she added before darting over to the clothes chest. Wiping the last of the tear trails from her face as she went and feeling slightly less nervous now about their reactions. At least she was pretty certain they wouldn’t hate wearing the pendants.

Astrid rifled through the drawer until she located the little wrapped bundles. Then she carefully slid them out before hiding them behind her back as she turned around to face them again. “Since you have both clearly staked a claim on me now, I think it is only fair that I get to do the same. They’re not exactly weapons, but you two are already dangerous enough as is,” she teased. Coming to a stop right in front of them before holding the little bundles out. Offering the green one to Hiccup and the gold one to Ilweran.

With a last questioning look, the boys took the gifts and peeled the silk back. “A wolf and a panther,” Ilweran chuckled. “How very fitting."

“They do seem to capture our personalities quite well too. I look ready to fight the whole world while you just look ready to sit around and cry your heart out to the moon instead,” Hiccup joked. Receiving a solid punch in the shoulder from Ilweran in return as he muttered about giving Hiccup something to cry about. “This really is beautiful Astrid, but I know you didn’t forge it,” Hiccup offered Astrid with a laugh now. Holding the tiny necklace carefully in his big hand as he looked over the intricate panther with an artist’s practiced eye.

“Well no,” Astrid assented with a grin. “I had Thor forge them while you two were in Midgard, and Golwen helped me with the magic.” Then she put her hands on her hips with a mock scowl. “Stop judging the workmanship and just put the damn things on already,” she sighed with an eye roll. As soon as they both had them on and under their tunics, she pressed a hand to her own pendant. “Is it working,” she asked in mild concern. Making sure to direct her thoughts to both of them.

“What the...” Ilweran suddenly spouted. Amber eyes wide as he gaped at her. A matching look of almost comical surprise on Hiccup’s face.

“I take it they work,” Astrid grinned. “They are communication devices. You just press them to your skin and think of which of us three you want to talk to. They should even work across realms if I got the spell right.” Hiccup opened his mouth to ask how that was even possible, but Astrid cut him off with a shrug. “Golwen and I created the spell with a lot of help from your impressive library. Then Thor forged the pendants to my design. They are actually all tied to me, which is what keeps them connected. Your individual magic only temporarily powers the runes when you touch the pendant.”

“Holy shit...” Hiccup muttered now as he fingered at his new necklace through his thin armour. “I leave you two alone for a week and you start diving head first into experimental magic?” Astrid almost thought that he was angry for a moment, until he met her eyes again. His luminous green orbs sparkling with bright humour as he grinned at her. “That’s my girl,” he added through the link. All of them broke down laughing now as both the boys stood up to embrace her tightly.

“I guess this means we are all tied together now too,” Ilweran added cheekily as he released her. Even more so than you know, Astrid thought as she chuckled in agreement. Feeling like her heart might actually burst as she gazed up at her wonderful boys again. Wanting to drag them back to the bed and curl up between them forever. Wrapping her arms around them and never letting them go.

Ilweran chuckled lightly as he took in her expression. “Stop looking at me like that princess, or you are going to get me in trouble. In fact, I suggest that we head to the party instead. Before you can coerce us back into a cuddle fest just in time for Thor to barge in on us.”

“I could not agree more,” Hiccup offered with a laugh. “I think I draw the limit at one topless cuddle per mission mi’lady. Pushing the night fury too far is just asking for tragedy to strike. Do you really want Ilweran to die during Yule? This is supposed to be a happy time.”

“Ugh, fine,” Astrid grumbled jokingly. Stretching up on her toes to plant one more kiss of thanks on Ilweran’s cheek. “You know, I really think I might just love you. My handsome golden prince,” she teased.

“Love you too princess,” he grinned back. Pressing tingling lips to her cheek briefly as well before heading off back to his room to change.

As soon as he was gone, Astrid turned and wrapped her arms around Hiccup again. “And I especially love you babe,” she quipped as she gazed up at him. “Just so godsdamn much.”

“I know,” he chuckled back. Leaning down to kiss her as the fluffy flakes of enchanted snow continued to drift down outside. When he broke away, Astrid smiled up at him as she trailed a hand over his jaw. Hiccup brought his hand up to twine his fingers through hers in response. Gazing into her eyes for a long moment. “I love you too mi’lady. So godsdamn much,” he teased. “Now how about we finally change out of this armour?”

“That would be lovely,” Astrid grinned as she stepped away. Gladly removing the form fitting material after spending three days in it. Selecting a much more festive outfit in the looser silken fabrics she had grown to love instead. Opting for a long sleeved silk tunic coloured the rich emerald of fresh pine needles. Almost the precise colour of Hiccup’s eyes, in fact. Designs of stars shimmering across the bodice, sleeves, and hem. Embroidered from the brightest silver thread. Black leggings, pale grey leather boots, and a delicate silver belt tying the look together.

Unsurprisingly, her and Hiccup were perfectly colour coordinated again. His tunic a somewhat darker green than hers, and sporting far less embroidery. Still noticeably similar though. Especially when paired with black trousers and a pale grey leather belt. The colours all looking striking with his luminous eyes and subtly backlit skin. He seemed to always make a point to match his clothing to hers, which Astrid couldn’t help finding absolutely adorable. Although she was also quite certain that he made the outfit look much better than she did.

She was just running a comb through her lightly curling hair when Ilweran knocked gently on the wall outside the wide balcony doorway. Astrid yelling for him to come on in. Then she smirked at him. “Aww, we all match,” she teased. “You know, if you two would stop dressing like twins, maybe the ladies would stop fantasizing about you both.” Her eyes trailing pointedly over his green silk tunic, black trousers and grey belt. The green tunic a couple of shades lighter than Hiccup’s, but the rest of the outfit otherwise ridiculously similar.

“Highly unlikely. Especially since we only dress like this at festivals, Princess,” Ilweran countered with an eye roll. “Now can we please head to the palace before you have the chance to make this weird relationship any more awkward?”

“The palace,” Astrid asked in surprise. “Does that mean the party has already started? Did we miss it? Don’t we normally gather in the clearing to greet Cuithanna? Or is she already here?”

“The party has certainly been going since early today, but Cuithanna does not actually arrive until tomorrow. During the solstice. Right as this year ends and the new one begins,” Hiccup informed her. “Now come on. The dragons have already left to go hunting.”

Moving closer again, he laced his fingers through hers as he pulled her gently towards the balcony. “Uh, the stairs are that way,” Astrid told him blandly. Pointing back towards the main doorway to the bedroom.

“Yeah, but this way is faster,” Ilweran grinned. “Come on Night Goddess. After everything you just accomplished in Vanaheim, do not try and tell me that you are suddenly afraid of heights now.” Then he leapt off the balcony. Performing a graceful twisting backflip before landing lightly in the snow. Hiccup grinning at her and kissing the back of her hand before launching himself over the railing as well.

With a laugh and a shrug, Astrid jumped. Putting a burst of enhancement magic into her push-off to give her some extra height. Tucking in tight, she performed a beautifully executed double front flip. Coming to land right between the boys and feeling the fluffy flakes compact with a satisfying crunch beneath her boots. Then she smirked up at them proudly. Sure her landing had been a little heavier than theirs, but she was still a human after all.

“Just like a graceful swan,” Ilweran teased. Giving her a cheeky wink that made her blush.

“Yeah, and this graceful swan is mine. Remember? You can just find one of your own this festival,” Hiccup growled at Ilweran. Then he threw a snowball at him.

Scrubbing the snow off his face, Ilweran glared at Hiccup. “Oh, it is so on,” he purred dangerously. A wicked gleam in his amber eyes as he leant down to grab a fistful of snow. With a laugh, Hiccup started to dance backwards towards the forest. Ilweran taking off after him.

As she watched them disappear across the yard, Astrid knelt down to pick up a handful of the magical snow. Finding that though the white fluff felt vaguely familiar, it was also unnaturally warm in her hands. The crystalline flakes not even melting in her grasp. Lifting it to her mouth, Astrid tentatively pressed her tongue against it. Then she laughed again when she found that it tasted slightly sweet. Almost like honey. “I love magic,” she muttered to herself.

Compressing the snow into a rough ball now, Astrid sprinted into the trees after her boys. The ensuing snowball fight was by far the most enjoyable Astrid could ever remember. She knew her cheeks would be flushed pink from the mild exertion, but she wasn’t cold and her clothes weren’t even damp. The trio arriving at the palace to find a packed venue and the party in full swing. The rest of the elves already well into the Yule spirits. The smell of something rich and spicy permeating the air. Something that Hiccup called cinnamon.

Astrid almost couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw what was awaiting them here. Instead of mere orbs of light, the silvery bridge was now lined with tall lanterns of golds, reds, and greens. Everything covered in a thick frosting of magical snow. The courtyard beyond the gate seeming completely transformed and nearly hidden. Huge evergreen trees had apparently sprouted up overnight all around the outer perimeter. Stretching towards the night sky as they towered over the surroundings.

Their snow laden branches were creating a sort of natural roof high above. The ice crystals coating their interwoven needles glittering in the glow of the magical orbs floating between them and the crowd below. Many more jewel bright ferries darting around. Looking like multicoloured dancing flames buried within the protective boughs as the elves twirled and danced below. Trailing vines of holly twining around everything from the tree trunks to the fountain. Their deep green leaves and glossy red berries shining in the diffused light.

Astrid, Hiccup, and Ilweran were already part way through their first goblet of what Ilweran referred to as ‘mulled wine’ by the time Thor and Sif arrived. The two of them dressed in casual clothes once more. Clearly having ditched their armour as soon as they could as well. Their long tunics, heavy woollen trousers and leggings, and fur lined boots reminding Astrid of Berk. A sudden wave of homesickness flooding her chest.

Golwen, Noldo, and the rest of the Council arrived shortly after Thor and Sif. Along with them came the news of Astrid’s acceptance into the Order. All of the elves making a point to come over and congratulate her personally. Bowing respectfully to her and offering kind words. Hiccup and Ilweran did make a point to claim her first two dances before allowing Thor to approach her though.

As she twirled with the thunder god under the fairy lights, Astrid couldn’t help being slightly surprised that Thor was so light on his feet. Especially since he was just so... burly. Then again, he was partially elf now too. Looking up into his laughing blue eyes, she offered him a bright smile. “Thank you so much for what you did,” she told him honestly. “I never got to say it in Asgard, but I wanted to. I know that can’t have been easy for you.”

“Anything for a friend,” Thor grinned back. “My father will get over it. Someday. I’ve learned to just let the drama roll off of me, since even my shoulders are not quite broad enough to carry it all.”

“They look mighty broad enough to me, Mr. Thunder God,” Astrid teased. Giving a joking squeeze to the bulging bicep beneath her hand.

“I’ll take that as a compliment darling,” Thor smirked. Winking at her before lifting her up into a graceful spin. The rest of the night passing by in a happy blur of friendship and fun. Every moment seeming to lift another small measure of weight from Astrid’s shoulders, until she truly felt like herself again. All the overwhelming guilt she had felt this afternoon fading into a dull background hum now. Of course she would never forget about it, but with such good friends, she could get through anything.

They returned home a few hours before dawn so that Astrid could take a quick nap. Finding that while they had been gone, Lint and Ana had arrived with letters for all of them. Astrid had plopped herself down on the bed as she opened the first scroll. Recognizing her mothers delicate script and feeling another stab of homesickness lance through her. The casual words describing day-to-day activities feeling like beautiful little morsels of memory. Flashes of the simple and sheltered little world that Astrid had grown up in.

After she had read through the letters from her family, Ruff, Minden, and Heather, Astrid rolled them all carefully back up. Getting up to place them tenderly in the clothes chest next to all the letters and sketches from Hiccup. Then she went and laid down next to Hiccup, who was waiting for her on the bed. Not realizing how tired she still was, as she grumbled that she would never be able to fall asleep now. The moment Hiccup’s warm arms were cradling her though, Astrid nestled her head on his chest and was out. Coming-to groggily a couple hours later as Hiccup gently kissed her awake.

Opening her eyes and blinking to gain her bearings, Astrid saw Hiccup’s perfect face smirking back at her. “I thought you said you were not tired,” he teased lightly.

“Oh shut up and just kiss me again,” Astrid grumbled at him. Stretching up towards his lips, and he obliged with a chuckle. “Is it time to go meet Cuithanna,” Astrid asked now. Scrubbing at her eyes as he broke away.

“Yes mi’lady. It is,” Hiccup replied simply. Rolling off the bed and pulling her up with him. Stretching and yawning, Astrid glanced out at the still dark sky. A faint hint of pinkish-orange barely beginning to show near the horizon. She tried to run a comb through her dishevelled locks, before giving up with a sigh and just braiding it again. Glancing in the reflective glass on the wall as she fussed at her clothes.

As she glanced over at Hiccup for a moment, Astrid took in the glorious lines of his body once again. The combination of broad shoulders, narrow waist, and ridges of lean muscle all accentuated by dark evergreen silk. Emerald eyes above high cheekbones gleaming as bright as the fairies in the trees outside. That perfectly rugged jawline of his that any many would envy and those perfect lips she could never get enough of. That effortlessly sexy mop of auburn he wore so well.

As her eyes trailed over her lover, Astrid felt a tiny swarm of butterflies take flight in her belly again. Trying not to imagine what she would look like standing next to Hiccup, Ilweran, and Cuithanna now. They were all so painfully gorgeous. Of course Astrid knew she was part goddess, and of course she knew she was pretty. Hiccup and Ilweran had told her enough times by now that she had to believe it. Still, whatever else she may be, Astrid was also mostly an imperfect human that was simply trying to stay afloat amidst a sea of unnatural beauty.

“Are you two just about ready? The year is going to end before we even get to the tree,” came Ilweran’s musical voice from out on the balcony. Astrid turning in surprise to see the prince leaning casually against the railing. His arms crossed and a smirk on his face.

His silky blonde locks were flowing free to brush over his shoulders now. Two small braids above his ears keeping it back from his face. The silvery strands looking so wonderfully soft in the gently fading glow of moonlight that Astrid kind of wanted to run her fingers through it again; just once. Though she also couldn’t help feeling like that would probably just creep Ilweran out. Although, on second thought, he might not actually mind that much really...

Ilweran looked as perfectly scrumptious as she feared he would too. With the thin silk of his spring-grass-green tunic stretching over the toned muscles of his chest and arms. Those surreal amber eyes smouldering just enough to make her head spin slightly without completely dazzling her. He also looked perfectly bored. As if he had been standing there the entire time waiting. She knew for a fact that he hadn’t been though. She may be a little groggy, but not that much so.

“Nearly, Mr. Impatient. Gods, you are almost as bad as Toothless,” Hiccup drawled back with an eye roll. “You look absolutely beautiful Astrid,” he offered quietly then. Coming over behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist as he leant down to press a tender kiss to her neck. “We do need to get going though. We have to be at the sacred ash before the sun crests the horizon.”

“Alright,” Astrid muttered. Checking herself once more and nodding in resignation before taking Hiccup’s hand and running with him towards the balcony. Astrid leaping over the railing without a moment’s hesitation this time. The three of them heading off into the trees as the snow crunched pleasantly beneath their feet. The small flutterings of life slowly beginning to awaken around them. As if the forest itself knew that Cuithanna was coming, and it probably did.

The sacred ash on Alfheim turned out to be much like the one on Svartalfheim. A huge old white ash tree with a wide trunk covered in knot-holes. The twisting branches stretching out like the many legs of a massive sea serpent. Each of them fluttering with multicoloured prayer ribbons that danced in the slight breeze. The very air around the tree practically vibrating with power.

They had barely arrived before the sun was cresting the mountain tops. The golden rays of light seeming to coalesce before the three of them. Creating a point so bright that Astrid had to look away. With one last flash of gold, the light suddenly dimmed back to normal. Turning back to the tree, Astrid now saw the form of Cuithanna standing there in front of the tree. Gloriously perfect, very pregnant, and completely naked.

Cuithanna grinned at Astrid’s mildly embarrassed blush, and Hiccup and Ilweran both chuckled softly. Cuithanna winking cheekily at them as she waved a gently glowing hand over herself. A swirl of rainbow magic encasing her completely and kicking up the snow by her feet. The fluffy flakes dancing through the air before drifting slowly back to the ground to reveal the goddess again. Now clad in a stunning white gown that sparkled with millions of crystalline flecks. A small bow tying it closed on one shoulder and the bodice fitting snuggly, as the rest of it draped elegantly over her swollen abdomen. The silhouette remarkably flattering.

With another grin, Cuithanna held her arms out to Astrid. Dashing forward, Astrid embraced her tightly. Being careful not to press on her rounded belly too much. “It is so good to see you darling,” Cuithanna muttered in her lovely bell voice. Her rainbow eyes dancing as she smiled down into Astrid’s face. Delicate fingers trailing affectionately through the loose strands of Astrid’s hair. Some of it having broken free from her braid as she ran.

“It’s good to see you too,” Astrid grinned back. “You look absolutely radiant,” she added truthfully.

“Well thank you my dear,” Cuithanna replied with a tinkling laugh. Astrid stepping away now so that Hiccup and Ilweran could hug Cuithanna as well. The rest of the morning spent wandering through the snowy evergreens together. Cuithanna walking next to Astrid and holding her hand, while congratulating her warmly on her acceptance into the Order. She also made a point to commend the way Astrid had managed to hold her temper with Odin this time.

“It had to happen once,” Astrid offered with a shrug, and they all started laughing.

Heading to the clearing now to meet the other elves, Astrid couldn’t help noticing that Cuithanna was moving somewhat slower than she normally did. She was still more graceful than most other beings of course, but her walk seemed oddly laboured now. Although that wasn’t surprising if you considered just how big her belly was. She looked like she may just pop at any moment. Then Astrid remembered that was because Cuithanna WAS going to give birth to the new year today. It wasn’t a matter of if; it was a matter of when.

Astrid tightened her grip on Cuithanna’s hand then. Quietly lending support to the pregnant woman, and Cuithanna smiled at her in thanks. Hiccup giving Astrid a reassuring kiss on the temple before he moved around to Cuithanna’s other side. Holding his arm out for her, and she took it. Leaning into him gratefully as they neared the glade where they could hear the gathered elves celebrating.

Astrid went to release Cuithanna and back away, but the goddess held her firm. “You are my niece. My blood,” Cuithanna said simply. “You should enter with me. It is only fitting.”

“Oh... Okay,” Astrid muttered self-consciously. Smoothing her tunic down nervously again.

Ilweran came around to stand on Astrid’s other side now. Holding his arm out towards her with a smirk. “May I have the honour, Swan Princess,” he asked cheekily. Amber eyes dancing with laughter.

“Of course you can, you charming bastard,” Astrid teased back. Grinning up at him as she twined her arm through his and he nudged her gently with his elbow. The two men now enclosing Cuithanna and Astrid between them like protective sentinels. With a last deep breath, and an encouraging smile from all three, Astrid stepped forward through the natural archway.

As one, the elves all turned towards them as they emerged from the forest. The whole gathered crowd bowing deeply. Then Queen Lerina and Elder Noldo stepped forward to greet Cuithanna. Thor and Sif meeting Astrid’s eyes across the clearing, and both of them offered her a thumbs up. Just like that, the tension was broken. Everything sliding back into the easy flow of every other festival. Although Astrid, Hiccup, and Ilweran all hovered close to Cuithanna this time around. Her pregnant state clearly at the forefront of all of their minds.

When night came again, they returned to the palace courtyard. Astrid was surprised to note that the small dais where the two thrones normal sat was gone. In its place was a white marble pedestal that resembled a large altar. About seven feet long and standing about four feet high. The base of it was covered in twining vines of holly and ivy. Red and green candles on tall pillars marking out each of the compass points around it, as a deep red cloth of silk draped over the flat top.

Astrid was busy staring at the alter as Hiccup and Cuithanna moved to dance. Then Ilweran’s musical voice cut through her thoughts and she turned to see him grinning at her before holding his hand out. “Come on Night Goddess. You should not be waiting on the sidelines,” he teased. Winking at her as he pulled her onto the dance floor and spun her around playfully. He and Hiccup sharing a glance before leading her and Cuithanna in perfectly synchronized dances. At the end of which, all the gathered elves started to cheer as Hiccup and Ilweran bowed to the two ladies.

“Alright, you have had your fun. Now hand over my woman before things get ugly,” Hiccup growled jokingly at Ilweran. Making Astrid and Cuithanna laugh. The prince just smirked at Hiccup before leaning in and pressing a lingering kiss to Astrid’s cheek. Then he pulled back with another wink as he took Cuithanna’s hand from Hiccup. Allowing Hiccup to take Astrid’s hand and tug her tight against him now as the next song started up. The rest of the elves beginning to dance as well.

However, while they were dancing and partying, they all heard three distant booms, one after the other. Everyone became dead quiet as they looked up and searched the sky for where the sound could have originated. Suddenly, Astrid called out, "I see them! To the east!"

Sure enough, when they all looked in the indicated direction, they saw what appeared to be three glowing orange balls in the sky. They seemed to be slowly getting bigger.

"What are those...?" someone in the crowd wondered aloud. It was eerie, really. Not even the crickets were chirping.

"Astrid?" Hiccup said. "Whatever it is, it isn't good. Your axe is glowing..."

"Fuck. Ilwerian! Grab Tinälle! Hiccup! Go get Toothless!" Astrid yelled, causing the two men to scramble for their dragons. "Stormfly! We gotta go _now_!"

" _I'm coming, little hatchling! I see them! If they are what I think they are, Alfhiem is not going to be around very much longer!_ " At that, Stormfly burst through the treetops, headed straight for Astrid, then skidding to a stop in front of her. Just then, one of the… giant flaming metal arrows flew right overhead.

" _Oh shit mother of god… Astrid, get on now!_ " Stormfly practically screamed.

"Way ahead of you Stormfly!" Astrid responded as she leapt onto her dragons back. Then the object impacted behind the mountain range, as Toothless and Tinälle took off from the treeline.

To say the flash was blinding would be an understatement. It was at that time of night where everything outside of the glow of the lanterns would be so dark that even the elves could barely see, the "witching hour," if you will. That was, at least, until the blast, which lit up the whole place as if it was day.

At that, Stormfly screamed. " ** _HOLY SHIT I WAS RIGHT!!!! WE GOTTA GO!!!! THOSE ARE FUCKING NOVA JAVELINS!!!! THE WHOLE GODDAMN REALM IS ABOUT TO BE DESTROYED AND US ALONG WITH IT IF WE DON'T GET A MOVE ON RIGHT! FUCKING! NOW!!!!_** " At this point, Stormfly was actually _shrieking_ with terror as she and Astrid were at nearly _hypersonic_ speeds as they escaped the realm. Fortunately, Ilwerian had thought to swoop down and grab Cuithanna at the last second before the shockwave from the first blast destroyed the party, the force of the wave throwing all the remaining elves into the trees with enough force that it _killed them instantly!_ Then, they were buried in the pile of uprooted trees. Then, the three dragons and four gods watched in utter horror as the next Javelin hit, this time throwing lava and magma, in addition to rock, miles into the air, the cracks around the crater growing so huge and long that the whole site of the former party fell in, burning in the magma that was flowing at the bottom.

" _Guys, we gotta go now!_ " Stormfly yelled. " _We are guaranteed not to survive the third one._ " And with that, the three dragons and four riders flew through the gate into the void, just as the final Javelin impacted and destroyed the core of the realm, rendering it nothing more than mere dust.


	2. The puppies attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WTF IS THIS?!?! ROTFLMFAO THIS STORY IS A MONSTROSITY!!!!

"I can't believe we just did that," Astrid whispered. "We just left them…"

"Hon," Hiccup said, "it was either they die, or we all die. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. And we can't die, because if we die, the universe ceases to exist."

Hiccup's words fell on deaf ears, as Astrid began to weep.

"Oh, baby… don't cry… please don't cry… Stormfly, do you mind bringing her over here so I can hold and comfort her?" Hiccup asked.

" _Of course. Odin knows she needs it,_ " Stormfly answered, flying closer so that Hiccup could pluck the crying lady off her dragon.

"Thank you," Hiccup said.

" _Anything for her wellbeing,_ " Stormfly replied. Once Astrid was safely nestled into Hiccup's arms, her weeping became screaming and ugly crying, as she clung onto her mate for dear life, Ilwerian and Cuithanna looking on, heartbreak clearly evident in their eyes.

She tried to say, "I… *sniff* don't *sniff* understand!!! What… *sniff* even…?" but she broke down again.

The sobbing lasted for thirty minutes straight until Astrid cried herself to sleep.

"Is she going to be okay?" Cuithanna asked.

"I don't think so," Hiccup said.

"We have to keep a _very_ close eye on her," Ilwerian agreed. "She may try to hurt herself, or even take her own life. She starts to feel guilty _really_ easily, and tends to blame herself for a lot of things that she shouldn't."

Hiccup held her a little tighter, and let out a possessive growl, saying, "She's not dying. Not on my watch!"

Just then, a small bang sounded in the distance, and then a small chunk of wood fell out of the tree of Yggdrasil, as Cuithanna cried out in pain.

"Incoming!" Ilweran shouted as more bangs sounded and the small, yet fast and deadly, projectiles began to rain down on them.

"Shit! Ambush!" Hiccup yelled, guiding Toothless to take cover amongst the branches of the tree. Pulling out his M4, he began returning fire, Astrid following suit with her M1911. Suddenly, Toothless swooped low, and firing missiles from a special attachment under his wings, blew up the cliff from where the bullets were flying from, and everyone could see what was shooting at them: _golden retriever puppies with an assortment of heavy artillery weaponry strapped to their backs like goddamn mini-turrets!_

"What the _fuck_?!" Hiccup screamed.

" _Why_ , of all things, does it have to be _puppies_?!" Ilweran shouted, firing his Barrett .50cal sniper rifle at them. " _Why_ couldn't it just have been another troll?! At least _that_ would make _sense_!" Just then, a swoosh and a trail of smoke flew out from where Cuithannah's position was, and Hiccup looked up, confused.

"Soviet made RPG-7!" she called down, explaining. "Bought it off the black market!" she exclaimed proudly.

"Dayum!" Ilweran exclaimed. Just then, Tinalle flew above the puppies with a harness wrapped around his midsection, suspending a MOAB underneath him.

"Watch out!" Astrid called. "Tinalle's got the MOAB! Danger close! I repeat, danger close!" At that, the bomb dropped.

When the dust settled, the bullets flew no more.

"Everyone okay?" Hiccup called out.

"Yeah, we're fine," Cuithannah answered. "Tree is mostly intact, too."

"Good. Now, we need to figure out what the hell _that_ was. Puppies just don't randomly ambush you with guns. That doesn't typically happen," Hiccup said.

"So what's our first course of action?" Astrid wondered.

"I think we need to pay someone a visit…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, they have guns now. Don't question it. Just don't question anything you read from here on out lol.


	3. Alfeim State prison

"Fucking finally!" Astrud breathed as she flopped onto her and Hiccup's bed. "Home sweet fucking home!" They had just gotten back to their home on Alfheim after a week of scouring the void for more of those… killer puppies.

"Don't get used to it, though," Hiccup said. "After all, we're only here for answers."

"I know…" Astrid sighed, disappointed. "By the way, who's Chester?"

"He is a bad dog, Astrid. Chester the Molester is an evil rottweiler that wants to take over the universe so he can eliminate all cuteness."

"That's horrible!" Astrid gasped. "So he's at the prison?"

"Unfortunately no," Hiccup answered, "but there is somebody there who _might_ know where he is…"

A few minutes later, the three dragons and riders, plus one god that rode with Ilwerian, were touching down on the helipad on top of the Alfheim State Maximum Security prison, where the worst of the worst criminals were kept. People who didn't say please or thank you, people who didn't wash their hands before dinner, people who… god forbid, wanted to destroy all cuteness forever. Just… diabolical people. They rode an elevator deep underground to a level where there was only one single, solitary, iron door at the end of a long hallway, two elven guards sporting Ithaca model 37 standard-issue SWAT police shotguns on either side of it, as well as a pair of guards at every three-foot interval with the same SWAT shotgun.

"You two here to see George?" one of the guards at the door asked.

"Affirmative," Hiccup answered.

"Well, he's waiting for you. You both can go in," he said, unlocking the door.

"Thank you," Hiccup said, stepping in, Astrid following close behind. The guard closed the door behind them.

"Well, well, well," Hiccup said to the… monkey? That was sitting at the table. He was sporting brown fur all over, as well as a brown tail, "if it isn't the famous 'curious,'" he held up his fingers doing the air quotes as he said "curious," "George himself. Curious… because he can speak."

"Cut the bullshit, Haddock. I know why you're here, and I'm prepared to give you everything," George said. His voice sounded bitter.

"Huh. Guess the urban legend is true," Hiccup drawled sarcastically. He already knew very well that this guy could speak. "But that's not what I was expecting. I was expecting you to resist. You _finally_ realize how bad ol' Chester is, huh?"

"Please don't rub it in," he said sadly. "I'm sorry. I knew, too. I only turned a blind eye to it because my family's safety was at stake. Hell, I'm only here because I wouldn't give his location. Again, the life of my family is hanging in the balance. But now, he has decided to go after them. End his rampage, Hiccup. Please. I still want a cute family. I don't want them to end up ugly…"

Hiccup searched the monkey's mind and found he was telling the truth. "Oh, he's dead," Hiccup said, as he and Astrid walked out of the cell. At that, George grinned. _They have absolutely_ no _idea what they're walking into. Or flying, actually, because they ride dragons everywhere…_ Everyone assumed that because he was the boss, Chester the Molester was the most terrifying member of the "Paws For Blood" terrorist group, when in actuality, it was the monkey in the cell. In fact, he was so terrifying that the boss was afraid… of _him_. Plus, his entire family is part of the organization, and have been for generations. George comes from a long line of terrorist mercenaries dating back to the early 1800's when his great-great-great grandfather, Billy the Chimp, (who was literally a Chimpanzee) was the most feared bank robber in the west. His name became an enigma for terror back in those days. You didn't fear "Billy the Chimp," oh no. Instead, you feared _death_ in the form of Billy. And then he got a wife, who became an outlaw right beside him, and that was the start of the… "family business." But Hiccup didn't need to know any of that.

 _Good thing he's fucking stupid,_ George thought, _or he would'a known my past right from the git-go._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Readers' minds in a nutshell after reading this: _Wait... Wasn't Alfheim destroyed? Ah, whatever, I'll just roll with it..._  
>  And yes, Curious George is now a literal goddamn terrorist. I want you all to comment when you began to realize this.


	4. "Fun times"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this chapter, this story will be on hiatus indefinitely. I've been _way_ too exhausted to write much, however, I have been powering through this chapter to get it posted for you all. After all, it is the funniest one yet, in my opinion.

“Hiccup, I don’t like this,” Astrid said in the elevator, “I feel like it’s a setup. He revealed that information way too easily.”

“Oh, it is a setup. He doesn’t know that I know this, but his family is from a long line of terrorist mercenaries. It is 100 percent a trap. However, I _do_ know that Chester will be there. I did see him telling George that in George’s memories. As they say, keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.” At this point, the elevator stopped, dinged, and the doors opened out onto the helipad, their dragons faithfully waiting for them.

“So, where to?” Astrid asked Hiccup as they walked towards their dragons.

“We need to go back to the house, first of all, so we can grab our parachutes. Then, I have a friend in Helheim with a prototype bomb that needs field testing, so I figured we go pick that up and use it on the target.”

“Excellent,” Astrid said. “I love bombs. Especially new ones. Except when they’re used on me or my friends, like those Nova Javelins.”

Hiccup laughed, and they were airborne. After a few minutes, they landed on one of the balconies at their house, and disembarked their dragons. On their way to their room, they encountered Thor.

“Hiccup! Astrid!” he greeted. “Woah, what in the Hell happened to you two?”

“We were attacked while we were in the void.”

“Seriously?” Thor asked. “What kinda dumbass would be idiot enough to do that?”

“Chester the Molester and his golden retriever puppy army, apparently,” Hiccup answered dryly.

Thor laughed. “You used the MOAB on ‘em, didn’t ‘cha?”

“You know it!” Hiccup answered way too cheerily in Astrid’s opinion.

Thor chuckled. “That Rottweiler’s an idiot, if you ask me. He bein’ dumb enough to attack the god of death himself!”

Hiccup laughed. “That, right there, is a negative two million IQ play.”

“Okay, meme lord,” Thor deadpanned jokingly.

“Hey! You’re no better! I’ve seen you looking up Hentai and rule 34!” Hiccup accused, pointing at Thor.

“I do _not!_ ” Thor yelled.

“Deny it all you want, _Thor-chan!_ ”

“Just… shut up. And what the hell, no!”

“Anyways, I’ll see ya later!”

“Fuck you, Hiccup!”

“Ew, gross! Hell no!” And they both burst into laughter.

“You guys are fucking weird,” Astrid said when she and Hiccup got to their room.

“Would you have me any other way, mi’lady?” Hiccup asked suggestively.

“Well, no, but Thor is weird, too.”

“Well, Thor is just… Thor.”

“I mean, fair enough.”

“Also, put your armor on, Astrid. It will protect you from the heat of the blast, as well as any possible radiation.”

“Wait, we’re _nuking_ them?!” Astrid gasped.

“Well, yes and no. The kind of nuke that we’re testing uses nuclear _fusion_ instead of _fission_ to make the blast. It’s what’s called a cold fusion bomb. The difference is that a fusion blast is bigger, and there shouldn’t be any radiation.”

“Bigger? How bigger?”

“Well, if it works right, the bomb should have the explosive power to level the entire state of Utah.”

“Holy shit! Seriously?! Where the hell do you think you’re going to be using this thing?!”

“A complex three hundred miles south of the Giza Pyramid construction site,” Hiccup answered, shrugging. “That whole complex is inhabited solely by Chester and his insurgents, as well as all of their families, who are all insurgents as well. Not a single soul in that city is not a terrorist in the Paws To Claws campaign.”

“Oh, shit. Even the children?”

“Astrid, even the infants,” Hiccup answered.

“Oh, shit. All right, get out so I can put my armor on. Unless you wanna stay and watch…” she suggested suggestively.

“I’ll stay and _help_ ,” Hiccup smirked.

 _Oh gods, that’s hot… Odin help me…_ Astrid thought, the heat of his smirk going straight down to her very core.

She turned around and stuck her arms straight out to the sides as she helt Hiccup’s hands begin to feel her up. They then reached around to her front and started popping the buttons on her tunic before peeling it back and undoing her chest binding and letting it fall. Then, he popped the button that held up her skirt, before that, as well as her pants and underwear, fell to the floor.

She turned around again, naked as the day she was born, and basically attacked Hiccup's buttons in return. Once he was as clothed as her, (that is to say, not clothed at all) she smashed her lips into his for the deepest kiss of their entire lives (probably). She moaned into Hiccup’s mouth as she felt his hands slide up and down her back, lightly squeezing her ass every time they passed over. She then felt him slowly laying her down on her back into the soft, silky, sheets.

“Hiccup, please fuck me. I’m so horny it hurts,” she said.

Instead of answering verbally, he kissed her again.

“ _Pleeeease…_ ” she moaned when they broke apart. At that, Hiccup picked her up, and practically _threw_ her on the bed, causing a pleasurable gasp to escape her pretty red lips. He then proceeded to climb on top of her, and, as he lined himself up with her pussy, he kissed her. _Hard_. And then he slowly penetrated her.

“Oh my gods, yeeeeesssss…” she groaned as she arched her back, feeling that much needed relief of him entering her. He completely bottomed out in her, balls deep, and began to slowly thrust. She moaned long and low.

“Hiccup, please go faster,” Astrid groaned.

“How much faster?” he whispered in her ear, knowing her answer.

“As fast as you can. _Please_ , Hiccup.”

“Okay,” he said. At that, he began to _jackhammer_ her, and within just a few seconds, Astrid felt her orgasm coming.

“Oh my… oh my gah… Oh my **_GAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!_** ” She screamed in pleasure, as Hiccup continued to fuck her through her orgasm, not even letting up a little bit. And before she came down from the first one, she was screaming in orgasmed bliss again.

“I love you so much Astrid!” Hiccup yelled as he continued his relentless pounding.

“I love you too, HiccuuuuAAAAAHP!” she screamed again as another orgasm took over her body. He still didn’t let up.

“Astrid, I’m about to cum,” Hiccup said.

“Cum… inside… me babe,” she gasped between his thrusts. At her command, she felt him still within her, and then she felt a warmth bloom across her abdomen. The feeling of him filling her up was so good she orgasmed again, but she was too tired to scream. In fact, it was so powerful, that when it passed, she passed out like a light. And he, despite being an elf-dragon-human-god hybrid, passed out right beside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What was your favorite part of this chapter?

**Author's Note:**

> Now, I need ideas for more bullshit hijinks. The more ridiculous, the better lol. I will do my best to incorporate everyone's wants, but if I can't fit something into the next chapter, then I will do my best to incorporate it when I possibly can, from aliens, to zombies, to zombie aliens invading the Death Star (yes, these are all ideas that I have, by the way. This absolutely _needs_ to be as _insane as humanly possible_ , so go crazy!) The deadline for submissions on this is when the complete Dance of Power trilogy by TriumphantFury is 100% complete.  
> There is only one rule: Astrid, Huccup, Ilwerian, Cuithannah, Toothless, Stormfly, and Tinnale, are not allowed to die, unless you plan on resurrecting them in some ridiculous, random, off the wall, bullshit way (like completely forgetting that they're supposed to be dead in the first place. I've seen this happen before, in movies _and_ TV. But it's definitely more common in TV lol.)


End file.
